March 23, 2006 Update

"Hey Kevin, let me tell you somethin. There are subliminal messages, and there are real messages. Like, if I hit somebody in the head with a hammer, that's a real message. When I offer you Altoids..."

"All those critics of Steve Nash last year, they should all shut up."

Kevin Harlan: "Here is Hakim Warrick... from Syracuse University."
Charles: "I gotta call Jim Boeheim. They gotta get a weight room up there."
Thanks Danny!

Barkley (on David Letterman): I'm black and when I was growin up a lotta black people weren't sayin we gotta hurry up and grow up and move to Oklahoma. You never heard that, Dave! You know? We wanted to go to New York City, Philadelphia, Miami... none of the brothers said let's grow up and move to Oklahoma.
Letterman: I assume there are black people in Oklahoma.
Barkley: We got to assume that! We never been there!
Thanks Berk!

At the dunk contest, as Josh Smith put a piece of tape down a ridiculous distance away from the hoop and the guys thought he was trying to jump from that point, Charles says: "That's impossible... that's like Dick Cheney trying to find another hunting partner."
Thanks John!

On politicians: "You get two rich guys arguing over who's conservative and who's liberal - and you go, now, they just argued for an hour, and nothing got solved."

Reggie Miller: "Gonzaga. That's my dark horse."
Charles: "They ain't that dark."

"When you play for the Wizards, [Gilbert Arenas] is like Michael Jackson. He's playin with a lot of Tito Jacksons."

After Kenny agrees with Charles about a statement during Andre Igoudala's dunk -
Kenny: "I think that's the first time we agreed on anything"
Charles: "We both think you're ugly"
Thanks Rufus!

Kevin: "Iguodala was on fire!"
Charles: "He wasn't on fire. He was just excited he got to shoot in a game."

On Andre Iguodala scoring 30 points at the Rookie-Sophomore game: "He's just getting all that shooting out of his system before he goes back to work on Tuesday."
Thanks Jordan, Rufus!

After Nate Richardson kept missing dunks at All Star Weekend: "He can't get depressed, he plays for the Knicks."
Thanks Jacqueline!

As each judge of the slam dunk competition was announced with "Hall of Famer...", Ernie announced judge Kenny Smith, and Charles said "NOT a hall of famer".
Thanks Jacqueline!

There was an on-screen graphic of the huge contracts the Knicks have doled out to account for one of the league's worst records, to which Charles replies, "I guess $123 million doesn't go as far as it used to."
Thanks Alex!

"That's not a flagrant! I've been kissed harder than that... By Kenny!"
-Sir Charles while watching a recap from Miami @ Minnisota game while DWade was fouled.
Thanks Jay!

"Being black or white isn't an accomplishment. What you do with your life — or what you accomplish with your life — dictates what you should be proud of."

Barkley on Seattle Supersonics guard Ray Allen in the three-point contest: "He's got the most effortless jump shot in the NBA. His shot is like my golf swing - no wasted motions."
Thanks Danny!

Reggie Miller, after reigning three-point shooting contest champion and New York Knicks guard Quentin Richardson was eliminated in the first round: "To sum it up short, that's the way the Knicks season has gone all year."
Barkley: "Short? I don't even think midgets are that short."
Thanks Danny!

"When I saw [Nowitzki] in Germany before he got to the NBA, I told him 'I'll give you any amount of money you want to go to Auburn'."

Kenny Smith: "The Knicks beat Detroit the other day."
Barkley: "Even a broken clock is right twice a day."

At halftime of the all star game, in response to seeing Beyonce in the crowd, Barkley said, "All I wanna know is when ya see someone that pretty, how can you go to Brokeback Mountain?"
Thanks Danny, dmcgowin!

"Oklahoma is nothing but a vast wasteland.... no place for black people."
Thanks Jackie, Len, Kevin, Tony, Mary, Dawnya, Sandra, and Mark

Barkley says this to Kenny Smith (a UNC alum): "I think the ACC and the University of North Carolina have been living off of Michael Jordan. He’s the only great player that ever came out of Carolina."

After seeing footage of Charles Oakley wearing nothing but a leather vest: "When did he join the Village People? [starts singing] YMCA!"
Thanks Jan!

To EJ and Kenny: "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful."
Thanks Jay!

When David Letterman asked if he was looking forward to attending All Star weekend, Charles replied "I am now. I was supposed to go hunting with Dick Cheney."
Thanks Tony!

Barkley on 5'9" slam-dunk champion and New York Knick guard Nate Robinson: "I think Spudd (Webb) or Mugsy (Bogues) might be hiding inside (of Nate Robinson). I've never seen all three of them in the same place."
Thanks Danny!